I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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