oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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