I'm jealous of your bromance
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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