I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
