That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
