How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
