Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
