wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
