Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
