apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
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He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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