First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
