can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
