I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
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dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
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He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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