Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize