Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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