oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
