i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize