he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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