just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
