That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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