And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
