oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
