...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We left an ass print on the piano.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
