My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
