I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
