I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
