It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
