the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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