i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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