ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
