it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
