her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
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I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
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You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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