I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
