Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My pussy is not your playground.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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