so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
