I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
