I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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