how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
