I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
