i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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