Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
