You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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