we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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