she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize