Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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