Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
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The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
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I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
did you just send me my own nude