making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
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Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.