The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
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Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.