New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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