I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
