I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
