No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
