I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize