idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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