Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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