so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
