You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
