Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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