party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
