Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
