the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
