My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
