i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
