Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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