There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
