I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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