your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Randomize
