We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
