I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
