The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
