I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
