apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
