he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
