I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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