I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We are all done wearing pants today
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
