i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
