We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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