what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
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Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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